Walking Weather


It’s sheeting down with rain. I’m walking, at a decent clip, in the direction of Holloway Road, though, of course, I could go anywhere. There’s a slight sadness – I lost my really good waterproof jacket somewhere not that long ago. This new one hasn’t quite bedded in yet.

I like walking in the rain. I take it one step at a time – in the sense that I actually notice my steps. With the water stinging my face, it feels like a good day.

Somehow the rain stops you thinking about the future. I am fully in the present and feeling alive as I pass the Greggs on Holloway Road then cross over near the closed-down insurance office. In the distance I can already see the lollipop lady at the end
of Liverpool Road.

The sound of the rain is calming, like white noise, blocking out the rumble of traffic and the chatter of things I have to do. As the rain gets heavier, I feel like I’m moving forwards – making the future come to me. And getting really wet thighs because this new waterproof is just a bit too short.

Chef Off! - In Search of Enlightenment Through Food

Squid Noodles

Squid noodles

I had been dreaming of baby squid for over twenty years. 

(As a matter of interest, they’d come to me on hot summer nights – when my sleep was fitful – dragging me down beneath the waves at the behest of their mermaid queen Winona Ryder, who communicated with them using a series of high pitched whistles…)


Back in the early summer of 1990, while travelling around Portugal with a girlfriend who looked like Audrey Tatou (she really did, although she wasn’t French), I had the meal of my life cooked by a bored looking chef on a rusty looking pan over an outdoor stove at a little roadside shebeen near Tevares, in the deep south. 

The heat of the midday sun was in the 90s and so, like typical Northern  Europeans we’d been walking for a couple of hours after initially trying to relax on a beach, strolling inland over dry scrub and rocks, bickering ever so slightly about whose idea this had been (the trip to the Algarve, the walk in the unattractive countryside, the relationship as a whole) but also thrilled at our adventure. We were, after all, dicing with death. If we didn’t soon find a nice little three course lunch with wine we would, well, get cross with one another. And we weren’t dressed for the beach. In those days you didn’t. We were kitted out for lounging about and drinking beer and meeting intresting people. Swimming trunks and suntans were for kids and old aged pensioners. 

Hold on, there is no place in Portugal called Tevares. That was a late mid American soul band. I must have been thinking of Tavira. ‘Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel’. And ‘It Only Takes A Minute’.

We hadn’t travelled together before, at least not properly. I had jacked one of my many jacked jobs the year before to go inter-railing and had – having got off with her at a party just before my journey – had invited her meet me for a few days in Italy, where we did Pisa and Florence and held hands a lot. But travelling to Portugal was a different experience.  Hotter. Less obviously glamorous. And with more pressure for it to be a success because we were now ‘going out’ with each other.

After tramping through dusty scrubland a couple of miles from the nearest tree, we headed back to the road and saw in the distant heat haze a little group of buildings – a garage, a couple of houses, and a café.  Inside, briefly free from the smell of baking, melting tarmac,  we nodded at the corpulent locals hunched underneath the one vintage rotary fan, drinking beer and picking at little plates of meat and bread. A flickering TV on the wall showed football. Ignoring our already uncomfortable sunburn we sat at one of the two little outdoor tables covered in blue checked cloth and ordered some beers.     
I’ve had Sagres a few times in the UK and the result has always been an anti-climax – slightly chemical flavoured industrially brewed bland tipple with a light fizz. But at that roadside café, the effect was electric. For a start it was the same temperature as the water in the Antarctic just underneath the ice, where David Attenborough and his film crew did some amazing shots in that recent series. No one in Britain has a fridge clever enough to do this to Portuguese beer. I finished one and ordered another before my girlfriend – let’s call her Audrié Tatou – had got a third of the way down hers. I knew very little Portugese but had enough to understand what was their special of the day. Baby squid. They had been fried at intense heats, possibly with a flamethrower, with garlic and possibly a bit of white wine and black pepper by specialists in protective clothing. Even now I can smell the exquisite aromas of those frazzled bits if protein.

I sometimes think what would have happened if that magic café hadn’t appeared out of the semi-desert near a deserted highway. Possibly my girlfriend and I might have found another café. Or had a huge row brought on by heat exhaustion and gone our separate ways. But thanks to the fat bored chef, the cold Sagres and most especially of all the baby squid, we had such an intensely fantastic experience together that we went out for another eight years. 

Anyway, fast forward 22 years. A few weeks ago some friends were due to pop round for a bite to eat so I bought some baby squid at Steve Hatt on the Essex road and decided to give it a go. I had a wok on and put the squid just before the oil caught fire. I had to fry them for longer than I expected due to the squid’s inherent soggy squidgeyness (only just realised where that word must come from). Just before the end I chucked in a large glass of Pinot Grigio. It was, as the cliché goes, a taste explosion. And I had to fight back sentimental tears of joy – possibly the rest of the dinner was ruined by my endless boring recollections of Portugal in 1990.

For these squid noodles I used the leftovers from that night, that I’d chucked straight into the freezer. Not quite so hung up on having them crispy, I did them gently in a frying pan with a load of garlic and red onions, then added peas and egg noodles at the end. This would normally be a breakfast dish, but we had it for tea.


Some baby squid (pull out the tenticles – go on, you can do it! – then cut into rough strips)

Four cloves garlic

2 small red onions

some peas

Two bunches of egg noodles.

Black pepper.

Glass of white wine – but at the last minute don’t put it in. This dish, being more subtle Vietnameish than smacking-your-tastebuds Portuguese, doesn’t need it. Drink it instead.

Fry it all up on a high heat, while listening to the football or a programme about the financial crisis.

(In the mid to late 70s I preferred Heatwave to Tevares. Just sayin’…)

What My Kids Think (About My Old Vinyl Record Collection)

‘Armagideon Time’ – The Clash

(12 inch single – B-side of ‘London Calling’)

As the opening bars of choppy organ come in and Joe Strummer’s reverbed moans float out of the speakers, 10 year old frowns. Then Joe starts to sing.

10 year old: It’s a bit weird!

She frowns some more. Then screws her face up.

7 year old and 3 year old were in bed but come running downstairs at the sound of echoey dub bass.

7 year old: Heyyy, this is good.

Three year old does a funky bum-sticking-out dance in the middle of the room and waves his arms around a lot

“What do you think?”

3 year old: Good!

7 year old” Yeah!
10 year old shakes her head in disgust

What My Kids Think (About My Old Vinyl Record Collection)

PAID in Full – Eric B & Rakim


The first track, ‘I Ain’t No Joke’ comes on.

Three year old: No!

“What’s wrong?”

Three year old: No! Turn it off!!

“But it’s Eric B. & Rakim.”

Three year old: I don’t like it!


Three year old: (Screams) Aiiiiiieeeeeeeaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!!!!!

What My Kids Think (About My Old Vinyl Record Collection)

Jane from Occupied Europe – Swell Maps


For a while at the end of 1980 this was my best album of all time. It was the perfect mixture of one chord guitar thrash, whiny vocals, underground synth drones and clockwork toys – with the odd moment of sublime pop melody.

On Friday mornings the kids usually come and hang around in my study when they’re supposed to be getting ready for school. But today, with Jane From Occupied Europe on repeat play, they kept their distance. Eventually 10 year old came in and said she’d been listening to it from her bedroom. She told me about two songs she liked (‘Cake SHop Girl’ and ‘Whatever Happens Next…’ I think).

10 year old: I like it. It’s nice and rocky. But the singing is terrible. It’s a bit scary. Do they sing badly on purpose? But this is good. (She was referring to the 8 minute instrumental ‘Collision With a Frogman vs. the Mangrove Delta Plan’ which is like a theme tune for a spooky kids TV series that never got made)

Then she went off downstairs to brush her hair.

At quarter to nine 7 year old came up to say goodbye. I asked him what he thought of Swell Maps.

“It’s cool. It sounds like me playing guitar.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well it’s rubbish guitar playing.”

What My Kids Think (About My Old Vinyl Record Collection)

‘Anticipation’ – Delta Five

(7 inch single)

The kids dance funky style then wiggle their hips, jerking their arms about like little robots. Then when the vocals start they both look at each other with pained expressions and start laughing.

10 year old: That was good until they started singing.

7 year old: Why are they singing like that?

They continue to look troubled as the jerky chorus comes in, then start laughing again. 10 year old starts to tell me about The Little Mermaid, the Disney film, and they both start to do some sort of fishy dance. It’s the two basses sound that they like, though can’t quite explain it. 10 year old starts a robobtic, hippy jive but looks concerned.

“What’s up?”

“It’s pretty rubbish”.

“Why are you dancing, then?”

“Because it’s funky,”